I like the theme of responsbility in this chapter, but also that of the 'peons and serfs' helping one another out, which is very 'old world' also in the sense of how things once were in older days. Weirdly this story took me back to my childhood when I was 5, and people (Franco-Irish Canadians in my neighbourhood) helped one another out after and before work.
This is a fascinating and multi-layered chapter with deep themes and ideas that really do shine.
It might sound odd but I'd love for there to be a Starshatter RTS game it'd put Starcraft to shame and be a fascinating thing to play through.
A;lso Wraithbane is a freaking awesome name for a sword.
Wait till you see what happens next! Btw, in book 5 of the Starshatter series, Secrets Of Lothoria, a certain starship crew descends on Lothoria all clad in knightly gear, so they could infiltrate covertly. Thus, they are able to discover the local resistance fighters and teach them how to fight with smoothbore muskets. Later, they transform many a browbeaten serf and peon into proper soldiers, who are able to forge their own freedom. Local warriors like Varen are the leht who kept their honor clean and refused to crack the whip or enslave their fellow Lothorians.
Coooool! Man I gotta crack open my Egyptian short stories and novels book. I’ve a large one in my collection that has all the ancient stories of Ancient Egypt.
It’d be great to read your story and compare it to those ones in a post.
You will love the alt history Egypt of my series and I did write a lot about it too :D In Varen’s story, the priest gives some fluff about his land and culture btw.
This proved a welcome change of pace from the usual action heavy depictions of hardship seen across the various Starshatter stories. Which isn't to say those are bad, of course. The brutal action does well to show how dangerous the setting is, but sections like this make for a good counterbalance against that. Small personal conflicts, no bloodshed required, can give us a deeper look into people and their societies, and that's exactly what happens here.
I quite like that the conflict present is a simple but relatable argument on the abdication or acceptance of sudden and newfound responsibility. I'm not so fond of how we were told the man arguing against helping was some young, slothful, and weak willed lout. Having it flat out said paragraphs after his introduction felt a little preachy since we'd already been shown he was unwilling to do the work with how he was arguing. I think it would've been better to make that more clear with how he acts throughout his debate with Varen rather then having it bluntly told to us, especially since his manner of speech felt quite a bit more like an older person who was used to how things were arguing against new change than it did a lazy young man trying to get out of work. But that's a nitpick in an otherwise largely well written segment, the high point of which is the brief glimpse of the young but deep adoration that Varen and Heva have for each other.
That is exactly the idea since Lothorians have suffered immeasurably and for countless centuries, all enabled by the sloth of mewling, bootlicking idiots. They are so aware of this fundamental truth that, to not avow it, would be a sin most egregious to all future generations. Varen is also quite wised of how things were, trough his own years of backbreaking labor digging sand, so in this instance, he is prolly the best vessel for this piece of lifesaving wisdom.
I get that. The issue isn't what is presented, but how. It's shown in the scene with the young man being the sole voice of opposition that most people are just ignoring. Varen then provides a foil to his complaints with a very politely stated counter, which he then bolsters by joining in on the work himself. That part of it is very effective, encapsulating the brief conflict within their interaction while also showcasing the steps many Lothorians are taking to build better lives.
Where it's a problem is at the end of that segment, where it's bluntly said that the boy's a lazy coward. We don't need that said because we've already seen it in the dialogue and the way he still refuses to take part even after Varen steps in to help work on the new road. Because of that, when it is explicitly said at the end of the scene, that part comes across as a preachy reiteration of a message that we already understood. It lessens what came before it.
I like the theme of responsbility in this chapter, but also that of the 'peons and serfs' helping one another out, which is very 'old world' also in the sense of how things once were in older days. Weirdly this story took me back to my childhood when I was 5, and people (Franco-Irish Canadians in my neighbourhood) helped one another out after and before work.
This is a fascinating and multi-layered chapter with deep themes and ideas that really do shine.
It might sound odd but I'd love for there to be a Starshatter RTS game it'd put Starcraft to shame and be a fascinating thing to play through.
A;lso Wraithbane is a freaking awesome name for a sword.
Wait till you see what happens next! Btw, in book 5 of the Starshatter series, Secrets Of Lothoria, a certain starship crew descends on Lothoria all clad in knightly gear, so they could infiltrate covertly. Thus, they are able to discover the local resistance fighters and teach them how to fight with smoothbore muskets. Later, they transform many a browbeaten serf and peon into proper soldiers, who are able to forge their own freedom. Local warriors like Varen are the leht who kept their honor clean and refused to crack the whip or enslave their fellow Lothorians.
Cool! I love that Varen holds fast to his integrity like Bowen!
Honestly, I’m gonna need to go back to the first tale to get to know him slowly and methodically.
The Egyptian priest is going to show his quality soon too.
Coooool! Man I gotta crack open my Egyptian short stories and novels book. I’ve a large one in my collection that has all the ancient stories of Ancient Egypt.
It’d be great to read your story and compare it to those ones in a post.
You will love the alt history Egypt of my series and I did write a lot about it too :D In Varen’s story, the priest gives some fluff about his land and culture btw.
I ordered this book from Amazon, and it got lost between Dallas and where I live.
I guess I'll have to reorder it.
Can't they reimburse you and deliver a new copy? It was them who lost it.
Yes, they are sending me a free copy.
Excellent!
This proved a welcome change of pace from the usual action heavy depictions of hardship seen across the various Starshatter stories. Which isn't to say those are bad, of course. The brutal action does well to show how dangerous the setting is, but sections like this make for a good counterbalance against that. Small personal conflicts, no bloodshed required, can give us a deeper look into people and their societies, and that's exactly what happens here.
I quite like that the conflict present is a simple but relatable argument on the abdication or acceptance of sudden and newfound responsibility. I'm not so fond of how we were told the man arguing against helping was some young, slothful, and weak willed lout. Having it flat out said paragraphs after his introduction felt a little preachy since we'd already been shown he was unwilling to do the work with how he was arguing. I think it would've been better to make that more clear with how he acts throughout his debate with Varen rather then having it bluntly told to us, especially since his manner of speech felt quite a bit more like an older person who was used to how things were arguing against new change than it did a lazy young man trying to get out of work. But that's a nitpick in an otherwise largely well written segment, the high point of which is the brief glimpse of the young but deep adoration that Varen and Heva have for each other.
That is exactly the idea since Lothorians have suffered immeasurably and for countless centuries, all enabled by the sloth of mewling, bootlicking idiots. They are so aware of this fundamental truth that, to not avow it, would be a sin most egregious to all future generations. Varen is also quite wised of how things were, trough his own years of backbreaking labor digging sand, so in this instance, he is prolly the best vessel for this piece of lifesaving wisdom.
I get that. The issue isn't what is presented, but how. It's shown in the scene with the young man being the sole voice of opposition that most people are just ignoring. Varen then provides a foil to his complaints with a very politely stated counter, which he then bolsters by joining in on the work himself. That part of it is very effective, encapsulating the brief conflict within their interaction while also showcasing the steps many Lothorians are taking to build better lives.
Where it's a problem is at the end of that segment, where it's bluntly said that the boy's a lazy coward. We don't need that said because we've already seen it in the dialogue and the way he still refuses to take part even after Varen steps in to help work on the new road. Because of that, when it is explicitly said at the end of the scene, that part comes across as a preachy reiteration of a message that we already understood. It lessens what came before it.